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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Reflections


As I’m approaching the 4th anniversary of Alex’s passing, July 10th, I’m reflective of my time with her. What she went through, all the ups and downs and how we all thought for sure she would make it. It’s wonderful to see the advancements that have been made since then but bittersweet all the same. I still wonder why she had to be the poster kitty for this awful disease and all of its extended conditions. I still get angry, even after all this time. I don’t know if it will ever completely go away. I don’t harp on it and I certainly don’t think about it all the time. Not even ¼ of the amount I used to think about it. But it still hurts and probably always will. I wish I knew then what I know now about some of the treatments, foods, medications, B12, etc. I’m thrilled and more than happy that so many others are not only surviving IBD but thriving in spite of it. But again, it’s bittersweet.

It took everything I had to start IBDKitties. I forced myself like I never have before in my life and with every page I wrote that contained information related to her and her conditions, I truly believed I would be physically ill. I relived it all in the hopes that the information would help others and I can honestly say that I know it’s helped a tremendous amount of people with their cats. I’m thankful for that. IBDKitties is a known name now and the amount of return visitors I get is equal to the amount of new visitors; telling me that it’s doing its job, continuing to educate.

I will admit I’m at a crossroads at this point in my mission. The word is out about food and how grains do not belong in their diet. Things are changing, people are pushing for what they want now. And more than ever people are reverting to a proper feline carnivore diet; most of the time with amazing results. Of course now many of us are trying to educate about the new “bad ingredients” in pet food. Pet food companies are just so brazen and keep spewing our own outrage right back in our faces. It’s discouraging and disgusting and that’s what they count on. That we get tired of trying. I have news for them; “not gonna happen”. We’re not going away and that’s all there is to it.

That being said I truly don’t know what path I am to put my foot down on next. I’m standing here in the middle of nowhere wondering what to do with IBDKitties next. How can I continue the mission and find that road I am to bring my passion down? I have some fundraising ideas for research I’ve been thinking of but even those need money to bring to fruition. Money I do not have. I've made the connections I need and they're all ready and excited for any ideas I may have; except the light bulb over my head is burnt out and so far I can’t find a replacement. I’ve asked Alex to help guide me but I guess she’s taking a little break herself. It must be exhausting being an angel and flying all over the world, finding the sick ones and guiding them to me and the site.

I picture her so much stronger than she ever was here. Poor thing never had a stable life until she found me and then our time together was way too short. I miss her so much. She was the kind of soul every pet parent dreams of having in their life. I was so blessed to have her love and devotion. I think she probably hung on as long as she did for me more than for herself. But when I think of the night she died and how it happened, it just isn’t fair. It was horrible and not at all the way I would have wanted to let her go. It was too sudden and shocking and traumatized me. But some endings are what they are and there’s not always a warning or any time to say goodbye. I say it every year at this time. I say goodbye again and tell her that no matter what, I’ll keep doing what she wants me to do, as long as I’m needed. I just wish I knew what I’m needed for next.

I hope my girl speaks to me again soon and lets me know what our next step is. In the meantime I’ll celebrate her life and mourn her death all over again. I’ll remember every little thing I loved about her, which was just about everything. I miss you sweetheart; you were, still are, and always will be the love of my life. Until we meet again.

27 comments:

Tigger Tales said...

Sending our love and purrs to you and Angel Alex, Finney and Lacey. I'm glad you started this blog.

Gina and Tigger

baysidegirl said...

Love your blog. Keep up the good work. All of our angels depend on it!

Eileen, "Apexie" and "Lily"

Evangeline said...

A wonderful blog from your heart! Alex is taking a little break so should her mom. Take it easy for a while.Snorgle your babies and replenish your energy! Take care of yourself! Sending love, hugs and purrs, Eva and the boyz

Tucker The Crestie said...

Lisa, so glad you finally did this. And what a beautiful inaugural post, and beautiful testament to Alex, her sweet spirit, and the bond you shared with her.

IBDKitties said...

Thank you so much everyone! I'm so new to this so I'm glad my first blog was well received.

Diane Bonin said...

So beautiful.

Thank you for starting the blog.
You have helped so many
in anything that you do.
We love you for that.

I think Alex is always
guiding you even when you may think
she is taking a break. You did so much
for her and now she
is watching out for her Mom.

XOXO

Mom Diane and Biggles

Mietz n Timo said...

Lisa, you are an amazing person with so much knowledge to share. There are still a lot of cat parents who feed their cats only dry food, because they don't know any better. A lot of vet's think feeding only dry food is perfectly fine. The fight continues. People just don't know. Some people get upset when you tell them wet food is best, but you have such a talent for speaking the truth in love. People know that you really care.

I agree, maybe Alex is telling you to take care of yourself, take a little break, go for some walks around the neighborhood, and you never know what new ideas will come. Thank you for everything you have taught us and so many others.

Sonja, Mietzi and Timo

IBDKitties said...

Sonja that is such a sweet thing to say. When I drove cross country many years ago, an Indian elder called me a truth-sayer. He said it's not always a popular title to have but that it was part of who I am and I had important things to say. Thank you for reminding me of that Sonja. You're a wonderful friend.

Judith Winston said...

Your heartfelt blog brings tears to my eyes. You ARE on your path and you have a following of people who adore you and hang on your kind words and wisdom in helping all of us through our
struggles with IBD kitties, food issues, etc. Alex is guiding you, even when
resting.

Love the layout and graphics! xoxox Judy, Baby. Madison, Dylan and Skyler =^..^=

IBDKitties said...

Thank you my dear friend! I appreciate your loving support as always.
XXOO

Brenda said...

Thanks for all the help you've given us in our struggle with my boys! It's wonderful to have so much information to help us, when it seems no one else understands.

Take care of yourself and know that you and Alex are helping us every day.

Brenda, Dexter, and Siggy

Jeannine said...

This is beautiful Lisa. Judith is right... You ARE on your path! It's unfortunate how we met with us both losing our babies to this terrible disease BUT you have played a vital role in educating everyone and you are always here to support us. Thank you for all you are doing! Keep persevering!!!

Hugs,

Jeannine & Angel Romeo

IBDKitties said...

Thank you Brenda, your Siggy and Dexter are so sweet. I hope they're doing well these days. Jeannine, we bonded over our losses and became the best of friends because of them. I think our Romeo and Alex had a hand in that.

Tigger Tales said...

Looking forward to more blog entries! :)

Anonymous said...

Lisa, someone posted this blog address over on the IBD Yahoo site. So good to "see" you! I remember well when you lost Alex, it was right around when I lost my angels Flame and Tressa. You were so supportive and understanding. I'm sending hugs to you! Kassandra

IBDKitties said...

Hi Kassandra! I remember what you went through with Flame and Tressa. That was such a sad loss. It's nice to see you too, thank you for posting. I actually tried to email you last year and never heard back. I hope all is well with you!
Lisa

Smokey Joe said...

Hi Alex 'n sweet mommy~!! We are so happy to see you and love your blog~! Always remember we are here to stay and we love your families with all our hearts~! I know, Alex is with you always~! I share in the love and happiness that once was~! Please take care and always know that you are helping others and that is so pawsome~!! 4 years is a good while at the bridge, I will have my 4th year in April of next year, times flies. But always know that the love we share will remain~!! Thank you for sharing~!
Love, Smokey Joe, Milo, Mallee, Sam 'n cuz and Mommy Kathy

Peg Keeley said...

Hi, this be all Miranda and her family. We hopin' to get our reply to work today. So happy about your blog and chances to take in touch! We so thankful for the great work (and know it is very time consuming!) that you do for us kitties. Seems our home gettin' filled with lots of special needs kitties and we love the great resources!! Yew is awesome!

Peg Keeley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ellen said...

Hi Lisa,

I discovered your website and blog today, even though I'm constantly searching for information on IBD and pancreatitis to help my buddy, Batman. Reading your web article on caregivers brought tears to my eyes. Finally, someone really gets what it's like to be someone trying to help your cat feel better. It's an obsession that someone who hasn't gone through it just can't understand. I'm so sorry to learn of your loss of Alex. I know how hard it is to lose our best friend. I'll be back to visit your website and blog often as I strive to improve Batman's health once again.

Best wishes and hugs,
Ellen

IBDKitties said...

Hi Ellen, I'm so sorry your Batman has to go through this! It's one of the hardest things as a pet parent to see your baby sick and feel so helpless. I'm glad my website has been able to help you and please don't hesitate to write me if you need any help okay?
Big hugs
Lisa

Ellen said...

Thanks so much, Lisa. We had Batman's IBD stabilized for a year and a half, but he recently developed pancreatitis so it's a bit of a roller coaster right now. It's so hard to stop myself from trying to logically figure this thing out, but as you wrote, you just have to accept that it is what it is or you go crazy!

Ellen

Ellen said...

Thanks so much, Lisa. Batman's IBD was under control for a year and a half, but now he's developed pancreatitis. He goes from good day to bad day. Here's hoping there are more good days just around the corner.

Ellen

IBDKitties said...

Ellen is he getting B12 injections right now? If not, he should be. I waited too long to start Alex on them and her malabsorption syndrome was incredibly bad. Also ask your vet about digestive enzymes and probiotics.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, I too found your blog while searching (desperately!) to find solutions for my kitty baby's IBD troubles.

Thank you for putting yourself and Alex's story out there for us. It helps to see that I'm not losing my mind, this is just the horrible ways of this disease. I've written down some of the things I've seen here that we haven't tried yet. Hopefully we can get things under control again.

Monique ~ kitty mama to Digit and Cinder

IBDKitties said...

Hi Monique, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this horrible thing. Please feel free to ask me anything or even email me at contact@ibdkitties.net if you need some help. I'm always happy to talk and see what we can improve for your sweet baby.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lisa, I will email you.

Monique