Reflections

As I’m approaching the 4^th anniversary of Alex’s passing, July 10^th, I’m reflective of my time with her. What she went through, all the ups and downs and how we all thought for sure she would make it. It’s wonderful to see the advancements that have been made since then but bittersweet all the same. I still wonder why she had to be the poster kitty for this awful disease and all of its extended conditions. I still get angry, even after all this time. I don’t know if it will ever completely go away. I don’t harp on it and I certainly don’t think about it all the time. Not even ¼ of the amount I used to think about it. But it still hurts and probably always will. I wish I knew then what I know now about some of the treatments, foods, medications, B12, etc. I’m thrilled and more than happy that so many others are not only surviving IBD but thriving in spite of it. But again, it’s bittersweet.

It took everything I had to start IBDKitties. I forced myself like I never have before in my life and with every page I wrote that contained information related to her and her conditions, I truly believed I would be physically ill. I relived it all in the hopes that the information would help others and I can honestly say that I know it’s helped a tremendous amount of people with their cats. I’m thankful for that. IBDKitties is a known name now and the amount of return visitors I get is equal to the amount of new visitors; telling me that it’s doing its job, continuing to educate.

I will admit I’m at a crossroads at this point in my mission. The word is out about food and how grains do not belong in their diet. Things are changing, people are pushing for what they want now. And more than ever people are reverting to a proper feline carnivore diet; most of the time with amazing results. Of course now many of us are trying to educate about the new “bad ingredients” in pet food. Pet food companies are just so brazen and keep spewing our own outrage right back in our faces. It’s discouraging and disgusting and that’s what they count on. That we get tired of trying. I have news for them; “not gonna happen”. We’re not going away and that’s all there is to it.

That being said I truly don’t know what path I am to put my foot down on next. I’m standing here in the middle of nowhere wondering what to do with IBDKitties next. How can I continue the mission and find that road I am to bring my passion down? I have some fundraising ideas for research I’ve been thinking of but even those need money to bring to fruition. Money I do not have. I've made the connections I need and they're all ready and excited for any ideas I may have; except the light bulb over my head is burnt out and so far I can’t find a replacement. I’ve asked Alex to help guide me but I guess she’s taking a little break herself. It must be exhausting being an angel and flying all over the world, finding the sick ones and guiding them to me and the site.

I picture her so much stronger than she ever was here. Poor thing never had a stable life until she found me and then our time together was way too short. I miss her so much. She was the kind of soul every pet parent dreams of having in their life. I was so blessed to have her love and devotion. I think she probably hung on as long as she did for me more than for herself. But when I think of the night she died and how it happened, it just isn’t fair. It was horrible and not at all the way I would have wanted to let her go. It was too sudden and shocking and traumatized me. But some endings are what they are and there’s not always a warning or any time to say goodbye. I say it every year at this time. I say goodbye again and tell her that no matter what, I’ll keep doing what she wants me to do, as long as I’m needed. I just wish I knew what I’m needed for next.

I hope my girl speaks to me again soon and lets me know what our next step is. In the meantime I’ll celebrate her life and mourn her death all over again. I’ll remember every little thing I loved about her, which was just about everything. I miss you sweetheart; you were, still are, and always will be the love of my life. Until we meet again.